How To Make A Woman Squirt (And Why You Should Stop Trying To Make It Happen)

It seems odd to talk about ‘fashions’ in sex, because as a general rule we believe our sex lives to be led by our own desires, rather than what everyone else is up to. But desires are inevitably influenced by the world around us – things our friends talk about, porn we watch, stuff we read on the internet. And when it comes to trends in sex, squirting, right now, is in.

I used to think squirting – also known as female ejaculation – only burst into public consciousness around the end of 2016, when the UK government tried (unsuccessfully) to ban it from porn. But according to insights from PornHub, our fascination with squirting started long before that, with searches for ‘squirting’ more than doubling in 2013-14.

Popular as it is, squirting remains controversial (and not just among prudish government ministers). Some researchers claim that there’s no such thing as female ejaculation, and the substance that squirts out is just urine. But although some studies have demonstrated that female ejaculation has a similar composition to pee, if you try to tell the world that there’s nothing more to see here than a golden shower, those who have squirted (myself included) will indignantly point out that the experience neither looks, tastes, smells nor feels the same as urination. Let’s not spend too long on the theory of (and science behind) squirting though – it’ll never be as fun as the practical.

"Approach squirting not not with a ‘can do’ attitude, but rather an ‘it doesn’t matter if I can’t do’ mindset"

As a woman who gets plenty of joy from making guys cum with volcanic force and volume, I understand why so many of my exes have been eager to repay the favour in kind. Delivering so much pleasure that someone’s body reacts in a visible and uncontrollable way is a delight comparable to making them shriek involuntarily during exceptional sex. From my perspective, the sensation of squirting is like nothing else – intense g-spot pleasure combined with enough liquid to soak my partner’s hands (and bedsheets – put a couple of towels down to save your Egyptian cotton). Then, as a bonus, there's the look of glee on his face when he realises he’s played a key role in bringing about this borderline Biblical flooding. Lovely.

But if you want to know how to get someone to squirt, then contrary to all those clickbaity ads, I’m afraid there isn’t ‘one weird trick’. Learning to squirt takes time, patience and experimentation, as well as a genuine eagerness for it happen from both parties. And the best advice I can give you is to approach squirting not not with a ‘can do’ attitude, but rather an ‘it doesn’t matter if I can’t do’ mindset. We’ll revisit this in a second, but first: a brief squirting ‘how-to’.

My few successful squirts have all been down to angle, pressure and mood. Lying on my back, legs spread wide for ease of access, with someone using either their fingers or a curved g-spot dildo to press hard against the front wall of my vagina. The ‘g-spot’ is not a magic button – it's just a neat place to stimulate the internal parts of the clitoris. Once you’ve found roughly this spot, stimulate it gently at first and then begin building pressure. Use plenty of lube, too, because you may be here for a while.

"Women aren’t video games, and you can’t just smash the right button combo to receive a gallon of squirt and 10,000XP"

Your partner will need to be really relaxed and in my personal experience that’s easier to do if I have something else to concentrate on, rather than having my vagina take centre stage. So a 69 position has worked well for me – providing welcome distraction when the pressure of trying to squirt is preventing it from actually happening. When I feel like I may be ready to squirt, a gentle push can make the magic happen, and a little extra clitoral stimulation sometimes adds to the pleasure and can bring on squirting more quickly.

There are a lot of ‘mays’ and ‘cans’ in here, for good reason: squirting is not something that everyone can do, and like any sexual thing, it’s also not one that everyone wants to do. Thanks to the aforementioned porn trends, I am definitely not the only woman who has had a partner ask if he can try to make me squirt, nor the only one who’s eventually got bored during numerous drawn-out attempts. Because squirting is such a visible thing, and one which can be rare, it has the all the hallmarks of a challenge that you might feel compelled to try and ‘win’. Treating it like an achievement to unlock can be exhausting and stressful for the person on the receiving end. Women aren’t video games, and you can’t just smash the right button combo to receive a gallon of squirt and 10,000XP. For many women, female ejaculation just isn't going to happen it all. If you care about her pleasure, you should accept that and move on.

Something which may feel like a fun challenge to you can be a wildly unfun challenge for the person whose body you’re experimenting on. If you attack squirting like it’s a mission to complete, there’s a strong possibility that some of that keenness could translate into pressure for your partner, sapping the joy from sex by turning it into a chore. Reassurance that "it’s OK" and "we’ll try again later is often not nearly enough to drown out the voice in my head that tells me I’ve failed and my body is broken. I don't want to carry a weight of sadness because I’ll never be able to help you tick ‘make a lady squirt’ off your bucket list.

So while I’m fully down with explaining how to get someone to squirt, and introducing you to the fun you can have along the way, I’d urge you to take whatever level of enthusiasm you have and dial it down a few notches before you even ask. Squirting can be very hot, if you do it organically. But don’t get so locked on to it as an achievement that you forget it’s also supposed to be fun.

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